Why do we say Where there’s smoke, there’s fire when It’s the smoke that kills you, not…
On the Mt. Rushmore of cartoon mice I would put four Jerrys
We hit it off: she’d declawed her cats and I’d plucked my cacti’s needles
Starting gun to my head I’ll finish what you started And run the race By running in place
We flatter ourselves that the prog… man vs. nature to man vs. man culminates in
When I was young we always said If you’re gonna be a bear be a grizzly bear! But now everyone’s become
Feminism’s big mistake is thinking it can use a power vac… to clean up the patriarchy’s mess
When the whole world is a disaster area everyone becomes a comic relief worker
We spend most of our waking lives alternating between procrastinatio… and delayed gratification as if by putting things off we’ve bought ourselves more time
It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect
Questions are the an– swer to everything; now, how can I assist you
I went to a personal branding work… only to find that my most marketab… leveraging value from a lack of or… lends itself more to generics
My wife fixed me with a stare that said Really, what haven’t you done for…
For twenty years people kept insis… that there was an elephant in the… but I just didn’t see it And then I realized I was the elephant
The difference between sports and real life is that if Love played basketball against Empire, Hate, Violence and Death and won