You’re supposed to love everybody but everybody knows that’s putting all of your eggs in one ba… so everybody eggs each other on in making a western omelet
At night in the city you can only see three stars but you still have to give them five stars
Looking back on college it’s unclear if I was a party animal party mineral or party vegetable
Generation X Marks the Spot Where a hex Is an aught But a flex
Happy me, happy precis: Happy wife, happy life
We subtract to find the difference But at bottom There is no difference Leaving it up to us To make a difference
Why bother keeping score when death assures that things always end in a tie Soon you’ll be able to get rid of death
In a twist in hell there are no consequences
In becoming a celebrity a person meets the same kind of de… that a tree does in becoming a Christmas tree– embalmed in sugar
I tried doing everything right Until I dug a hole Took a right turn at Albuquerque And realized There are no straight lines in my…
We guard the thin line between love and hate by loving more But we cross the thin line between self-love and self-hate
You wanted them all to yourself because they didn’t want anything to do with you and this is the sound of
With social media You can squeeze All of the people All of the time
A long time ago I received my mission statement: The best version of myself isn’t t… I’m currently on my ten thousandth… Trying to figure out what this mea…
The Declaration of Independence w… revised to guarantee life, security and the pursuit of criminals