If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it
After years of therapy the stump came to see that there was an I, two even, in the giving tree
In the official version of my life I love my life In real life I love life itself
Acting locally solved climate change but now instead of a life or death situati… which at least had a degree of rom…
Post-pandemic life is a broken rec… Where they keep saying If it ain’t broke Don’t fix it
The hardest thing to face is that your dreams won’t come tru… unless your fears come true first
Both my parents were tall and I ended up a shrimp Not coincidentally, my diet has al… largely consisted of pink flamingo… though scientists insist that it’s…
It turns out that the afterlife is only as long as you can keep the exit interview go…
A planning committee’s second most… Is coming up with a plan That everyone can agree to But no one is happy with This sounds strange until you real…
Question: What do you want the mo… Answer: The most. This is how you know The devil is always cheating you Because desire is neither
We ask people How are you doing? because it’s the easiest way to prevent them from actually telling us how they are doing
Life is short because God knows to leave us wanting more
The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual
People will only tell the truth when they think they can get away with it For example, perjury laws only wor… by publicly threatening jail time
When I was young we always said If you’re gonna be a bear be a grizzly bear! But now everyone’s become