You can cash in on your talent You can cash in on your good looks You can cash in on your hard work You can cash in on your good luck You can even cash in on all four
My dreams are no longer about wish fulfillment but about the Amazon fulfillment center
Like anything else immortality has its pros and cons: Our chickens never come home to ro… but our cows never come home eithe…
Faith can only move mountains by ignoring mountains of evidence Like most people who’ve lost their… I’ve retained my ability to ignore mountains of evidence
We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky
I knew Remain was in trouble when they announced that a vote fo… was also a vote in favor of renami… Brexit McBrexitface
My self-care plan includes a cheat day when I get to go to church
The closest I ev– er came to forming Voltron was using Groupon
The difference between your superego and God is that your superego says You must, but you can’t leaving you with worlds of guilt
In the movies they always guess right when it’s time to cut the blue wire or the red wire on the ticking time bomb
Until the company’s weekend retrea… I didn’t know that my leadership s… was like never having braces but still wearing a retainer
By keeping us on screen text messages, direct messages, et… are always mixed messages of the Trust, but verify
We flatter ourselves that the prog… man vs. nature to man vs. man culminates in
We hit it off: she’d declawed her cats and I’d plucked my cacti’s needles
Al Gore didn’t invent the internet He created a device for the reinforcement of irrational thoughts and behaviors