Like anything else immortality has its pros and cons: Our chickens never come home to ro… but our cows never come home eithe…
Socialists count on the fact that there are no private languages but there is
The bell curve is the Serpent With the lump in the middle Who ate Adam and Eve By convincing us we’re all mostly… But we’ve proven indigestible
The lamppost is an outpost Where it’s safe to admit That between you, me, and the lamp… Self-knowledge is over-rated Self-deception is automated
I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage
I can’t just let go of my past I have to lose a tug of war and get third degree rope burns
Some people have baggage; I come with furniture Fortunately, my wife enjoys rearranging
When your nuclear family of origin Takes the nuclear option They’ve already gone mad and self-… So, they’re counting on mutual ass… To finish the job
The decisive moment at the gates o… is exactly like the denouement in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? but with one twist To make you feel the pressure
Puzzles can be solved Problems can only be exchanged
When we say something is infinite Say, the universe What we really mean Is that it is unfinished
We live in an age when the greatest danger is an excess of caution
The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them
I’m neither handy nor a dandy but my wife still finds me handy d…
You’ll know it’s the Fountain of… when you dive in to get it over wi… endure the shock, but then you never get used to it