My wife sleeps on her back while I sleep in the mis– take prone position
Antisemitism is suddenly easy to f… It’s a mile wide and just scratch the surface an inch deep– You’ll find it there
In the movies they always guess right when it’s time to cut the blue wire or the red wire on the ticking time bomb
I grew up listening to Barbara St… You don’t bring me flowers anymore and determined I’d never make that… Ten years into marriage my wife sa… Don’t bring me flowers anymore
I’ve wasted most of my life wondering Why do I believe in God? when I should have been asking Why does God believe in me?
Your search for a vein is now done in vain under the soft tyranny of wireless narcotics in whose touchless embrace
Under new management, hell now consists of friendly fire
In the act of creating new life men presage their relationship with death
In wristwatch advertisements the doomsday clock is always set to ten past ten
A wise man once told me When you don’t know what to do do nothing A wise politician
When life gives white people lemon… they make ginger tea lemonade wit…
The sloth’s plangent gaze confirms what we already know: The eighth deadly sin is haste
The world is a cast of characters Social media is a caste of caricatures
Mid-life is when you realize you’re in a clown car The end of life is about accepting that of all the clowns
They can’t kick sand in your face if your head is al– ready in the sand