Hell is other people Purgatory is other people’s money Heaven is money
In Putin’s version of Let’s Make… he shows you what’s behind Door #1… - You let Putin run you through w… AND what’s behind Door #2: - You fall on your sword to atone…
It feels like I’m writ– ing an unauthorized au– tobiography
Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all big stuff.
My astrologer credited her work wi… for the discovery of a thirteenth… Jello the Jellyfish which shares the sting of my erstw… but is distinguished by a spineles…
People will only tell the truth when they think they can get away with it For example, perjury laws only wor… by publicly threatening jail time
Most people can get away with sweeping a few things under the ru… but when I started working at the… I couldn’t help noticing how the rugs looked like
Self-flattery will get you everywhere but there’s nowhere left to go
Life used to be hard And that’s how we liked it So much that we used to say Hurry up and wait In the understanding that
All plants and animals die But only human life is A near-death experience Immortality, then Wil be the death of man
Self-discipline is The only real self-indulgence Everything else is self-abnegation
I don’t get mad I get odd
When I picked candy apples as my… (think spirit animals for foodies) I honestly had no idea I was naturally sweet but laid it on way too thick
If I live forty more years I figure my life will pay for itself
People used to kill the goose that laid the golden egg because they wanted more gold