It used to be true that “All the world’s a stage” but now that all the world wide web’s a gauge the real world’s but a Faraday Ca…
We used to worry about selling out; now we’re terrified of not buying in
The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them
As AI gets smarter and smarter we’ll grow cuter and cuter until like a pug who struggles to breath… we’re too cute for our own good
When I picked candy apples as my… (think spirit animals for foodies) I honestly had no idea I was naturally sweet but laid it on way too thick
Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–
On business trips to Moscow I never wear my three piece suit
My wife I mean my life Is a fulfillment of dreams Where I wish I were wearing pants
Hell is having infinite wishes but using them all to wish for infinite wishes Heaven is having infinite wishes but only needing
Get back! Problem is The internet will still be there w… Get back
Think about how much control they… with a made up version of eternal damnation Then consider how much freedom you’ll be left with
It is often wondered whether the v… People of the Book are reading fiction or non-fiction but since they are each reading an… of a relationship that is phenomen…
The Cookie Monster is just living up to the name Kermit gave him
When people give you the silent treatment have them put it in writing
Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know