Nobody grows up wanting to be a mot– ivational speaker
One wonders how they arrived at the 140 character limit per Twe… Did they consult the Kabbalah the average length of haiku or the heart rate of the hummingbi…
You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
Liberalism without religion is lik… dining at an all-you-can-eat buffe… There’s plenty of everything but everything is so-so Religion without liberalism is lik…
My wife and I have remained happi… because she recognizes me as capta… as long as I acknowledge her as air traffic control
The far left puts the silent and invisible H in tolerate Guess where? There’s a clue
By keeping us on screen text messages, direct messages, et… are always mixed messages of the Trust, but verify
Woe betide the man who accepts an apology
I’m neither handy nor a dandy but my wife still finds me handy d…
We got the five day work week because that’s how long it takes a python to digest it’s meal
There’s always been a method to our madness Its latest name is the scientific method The madness is believing in
Lunch is born free but everywhere is in chain restaurants
When I said That’s none of your business they replied Actually, that’s our entire busine…
There are no atheists in foxholes; the world is a foxhole