If people tell you what they plan to do and you don’t believe them it’s because pretending they don’t really mean it

Politics has become another form of showbiz but while the showman should always leave them wanting more the politician knows to

I tried doing everything right Until I dug a hole Took a right turn at Albuquerque And realized There are no straight lines in my…

The struggle to become an individual in no way implies the need to be unique

It could be the truth if it couldn’t go viral But it’s definitely pravda if it speeds our downward spiral

Liberalism can be confused with ni… where you have to believe in nothi… or with Unitarian Universalism where you’re encouraged to believe… as much of everything as you like

When we had bodies they called us extras which was short for extraneous though our negligible status lent a degree of latitude

Because a man is only as good as h… you’ll know he means what he says when you see him do it But on social media a man is only his words

It was an open secret that on his day off Sisyphus liked to go downhill skii…

It is only when you conduct a fearless moral inventory that you will come to fear God because you knew the right thing t… but did the wrong thing anyway

I always thought everybody was saying It’s better to be safe, then sorry

When the loyal opposition smelled a rat the administration’s defense centered on the fact that it wasn’t the rats that had carrie…

And then it hit me: My lone flaw is not admitt– ing to any flaws

I was never one for playing the field but I was really good at standing on the sideline worrying over my equipment