One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”
Jews will tell you Right up front That they believe They are the chosen people WASPs believe that they believe
The only thing Bigger than my ego Is God’s plan for me
If you really loved robins you would stuff your bird feeder full of worms
Coffee is for the middle-aged; we need both to shit and get shit done
Almost every student prefers and l… But will almost always take the vi… Because those classes are always e…
A charmed half-life is the time taken to lower your expectations to half their original value
The reason every man has his price is because he always fails to real… 1. that he can never get what he w… 2. this makes his desire priceless
God knows that the only thing you can give the man who has everything is another chance
When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–
It was when Socrates ate the frui… that he added this second line of… I know that my wife knows everythi…
We’d all been taught As the temps got hot That all was for naught And that was our lot So, we’d cashed out and bought
Now that I’m wearing a mask I find myself telling strangers everything
I try to win but I don’t play to win; I play to play
Let’s call the before times “The… It’s not what you know It’s who you know But after the social media It’s not who you know