I’ve never won an argument with my wife but since I learned to let her have the last word I’ve consistently covered the spre…
You can’t study for the purity test but you can copy from your neighbor
The Cookie Monster is just living up to the name Kermit gave him
Actually, we all died in the pande… Life– I can’t afford not to Pandemic life– I can’t afford to… The afterlife– I can’t afford not…
I am a minimalist if only because it requires minimal effort
As mysterious as the caterpillar bursting into the butterfly a lifetime of following all the ru… somehow prepared them to change all the rules
The question isn’t: Why is there something rather than nothing? It’s: Why does it mean something
The only possible form of self-awareness is knowing what you want to be true
Coffee is for the middle-aged; we need both to shit and get shit done
Whistler’s mother had just spent a long day with Whis– tler’s mother-in-law
The United States’ motto is still In God We Trust but everyone knows that’s come to mean Don’t Get Your Hopes Up
When the NSA reads my email are they ab– le to discern tone
We’ve gone from individuals distinguishing themselves from the… begging to differ– “Whatever it is, I’m against it”- to groups
I was happily feeding at the trough when I noticed it had been filled with finger food
They let Potter get away with any… but somehow I get expelled for flo… that a wizard can’t have the same… even though zero (magic) is only half as large as double ze…