I don’t get mad I get odd
To break up with your significant other just say I need space To break it off
People tend to be wrong and through their errors get closer to the truth This is known as freedom The most sacred narratives
When my dog gives me that knowing… I don’t know what she knows I only know that she knows Who I’m fooling And it isn’t her
It used to be true that “All the world’s a stage” but now that all the world wide web’s a gauge the real world’s but a Faraday Ca…
The most surprising aspect of the… though perhaps it shouldn’t have b… was the amount of paperwork it gen…
I was a bullshit artist until I realized a career as a bullshit scientist paid better
The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
When the whole world is a disaster area everyone becomes a comic relief worker
In Mexico City men never wear shorts and if that’s where my anxiety dreams are set they could represent
I’m still the kind of person who is shocked that you can run out of gas and run out of luck at the exact same time
It’s easier for capitalism to end than to imagine the end of capital…
Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys
My ego is too big