Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all big stuff.
I was caught between a rock and a hard place unable to decide on a way out Instead, you decided on me
Don’t think of a pink elephant and while you’re at it Don’t kill the messenger
They used to pay us A penny for our thoughts But then they realized We would pay them To think for us
Updating Nietzsche– If you stare into the abyss at least the abyss stares back at…
After that instead of talking about the weath… or staring at their phones people stared at anyone who talked
It’s taken me this long to underst… like Pee Wee Herman I meant to do that though I’m still unsure why Because as hard as it’s been
Note that the male tes– tes are exactly the size of small potatoes
The opposite of bad breath Isn’t good breath It’s fresh breath Because all breath is good So, you never have to hold your br…
In the new version of Heads I win, tails you lose People hate to be wrong But love to apologize And if you accept their apology
Because there is no I in lions, if a lion could talk, it couldn’t say I Which is to say, a lion can starve but never lacks,
Entire lives can be lived waiting for the other shoe to drop although often this just means you’re being crushed at a snail’s…
Life is a test but I’d been treating it like a quiz– which is a preparation for a test– under the assumption that when I d…
Notice how the giraffe evolved so that its neck is precisely long… to reach the water when it bends d…
Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning