Full Nelson
There’s an emptiness inside me,
I can’t fill it, I can’t feed it.
I hate it, but it’s part of me.
Don’t want it, but I need it.
Can’t remember life before
This gaping hole, this chasm.
Try to pretend it isn’t there
Hiding behind sarcasm,
Hiding behind my anger
Which I use to mask my sadness
As my pillows soak up tears,
As my body rots my mattress.
As my mind forgoes its teachings
For planned, defensive ignorance.
I smile a smile that doesn’t reach
Pathetic numb indifference.
I hate, I hurt, I bury me
And I do it because
I’m not the man I used to be,
The me that I once was.
I don’t know who I am these days;
I’m far too numb to care.
My heart rate and my pulse are fine,
But I’m no longer there.
