Love
I love my grandma.
The pain of bare feet, the pain of life, the day to day.
When was it I felt hunger or the need to thank?
I cant recall the last time I moved up ranks.
July 16, 2012
I made a trip home.
I made a trip to the old town where I once ran with sand between my toes, hot rocks in my way.
The place that fed me warm milk and beautiful rainy days.
A place so far back in my memory
I almost couldn’t remember, my way home.
Its so different its new again and me, well I’m grown.
My mama, the one woman I had cried to see since the day I left,
I waited so long to see her in person face to face.
I wanted to tell her I remember her words in my ear still clutching my arms the way she placed me next to her on that ha-mic, that beautiful sunset we saw the last time I was here.
I wanted to tell her; Grandma I remember every word so vivid so clear,
Grandma I remember your words I remember your tears.
“Mi Nina como tevoy a extraniar, Te quiero mucho” Meaning; My little girl I’m going to miss you, I love you so much.
Those, were the words that gave me comfort in thunder storms
The words I tied to my heart and held on my lips when scared.
Mama, I never forgot the way you did my hair or how you pressed my uniforms so neatly for me to wear.
Mama, I missed you too, and I love you so much.
We arrived so late,
We had to wait till morning.
I didn’t want to, my mind was so reluctant and so afraid.
So I laid my body on a ha-mic and waited the sun.
I fixed my vision through the window and laid stunned
Thinking, on people back in the states, And on pavement.
I thought of what my life would of, if I hadn’t left.
I had to remember I was almost left with no legs.
When I left the doctors said I wouldn’t be able to walk
I had to remember I had to leave it was for the best.
Sudden tears tricked my eyes,
When I remembered the story of my fathers father when he died.
All against my father were the odds,
To make it out this place of knots.
But he did it thinking of her me and he my big brother and my sister
Through hard jobs over times and blisters.
My father, was never a quieter.
A rooster woke me up that morning while the sun was kissing the mountains,
and the sky’s looked like a post card with HD picture.
The milk lady was passing by,
The french bread was on a bicycle.
I thought to myself, the chickens must be cooking the eggs.
But I decided to skip breakfast,
So I ran unpacked my towel tried to find the shower.
All I could find was a big pillar or water and I remembered that’s cold torch er.
So I hurry to catch ahead, standing there in the middle of the street I turn.
I see my dads sister and she hugs me she wanted to talk but I wanted to get home, I see my cousin and she rather just ignore me. Ill be back wont be long I said.
On my way again, would she recognize me so big and fat,
I wanted to see my little sister who I use to play with and chat.
At the corner of the house I could hear her shout,
my sister and my cousin were always so loud.
So I ran and said the kind of thing my friends would think I said;
Mi casa es su casa.
My mamas eyes just glowed and she was so happy I saw her face.
Shes so beautiful, I wanted to tell my mom how her mama was so beautiful..her good looks lasted until me.
I told her how I had to tell her so many things, she offers my favorite; warm milk and cookies.
Then I spot a rookie,
an exact copy of me.
She doesn’t move doesn’t even try to brace me,
Shes shy my grandma adds speaking for her.
Well its fine I think, I didn’t know the reason I really knew she didn’t like me
first time in years and yet forced fields enclosed doors.
Her impatience with me though I could feel through her pours.
I don’t why, but I was willing to give her time.
I was going to defend her and make her laugh.
She had to like me then, one day I did I made her grin.
A month passes and I’m fixated in change,
I notice everyone but family was secluding me picturing me strange.
Then I remember Facebook is world wide hinged.
Then it hit me like a rubble of glass, They knew I was a lesbian.
Helping the sales in my grandfathers store wasn’t helping at all.
Until my best friend Flor came in for some bread,
and she wasn’t the only curly head.
How things change, we use to play babies and tea with baby dolls
Now she had a real live feel, except there was no Barbie ken no pink walls.
She cried looking for my comfort like old times.
She didn’t run like other girls she wasn’t scared of me.
Life is hard, I thought I had it hard in school well fed and my own bed.
Life’s harder here, as she and I kept talking I realized I want to help her.
So while i was there she got everything free,
Although my Ant remind me that old saying; Money doesn’t grow on trees.
But friends help friends in need,
Especially when they have a baby to feed.
There’s so many things I want to share,
Like the fact that some kids have no shoes to wear.
Mother’s alone in the struggle to provide,
Mother’s so strong and victorious willing to do both jobs.
I’m lucky even to say I’am lucky to have what I have,
Just imagine for a moment you were living on every moment to get by.
You probably wouldn’t last,
when your only excuse for hunger is a religious fast.
This was a growing and a learning experience,
I don’t think I will ever forget.
Least now when I visit ill be more modest and know what to expect.
Now my mama is here and just so you know,
When I told here word by word scene and all
she cried and I laughed cause she owed me a Doll.
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